Facebook Chat Not Showing Up Leads to...Yikes...Talking

In a story that may or may not be related to the previous post, many Facebook users are complaining that their chat windows are not opening up. The crisis has taken on international implications in less than twenty-four hours. People from all corners of the globe are reaching their cyber hands out for help.

"I have at least two friends that I know of that won't show up on the i-phone app even though they are on line," reports Oklahoma native, J.J. Jimmer. "Anyone else having this problem? I would really like to get it figured out since I prefer to chat on my i-phone that dial numbers and stuff."

"Yeah, I have the same issue," says Paris Townsend of Paris, Texas. "I even had to call a friend of mine when he wouldn't show as online to me. It's that way with other friends, too. It's really eating up my minutes."

"I know," chimes Katja Chacon of Norway, "Facebook is getting really annoying. What am I supposed to do with all of these friends when I can't chat with them? There's no way I can afford real communication."

"What wrong to my confirmasi code to Facebook i-phone, yeah, yeah?" added another user of unknown origin. Friends of his were even more horrified by the possibility of actually talking to him.

As the hours crept by with no solution in sight, Facebook users began to lose hope. Many logged off and resigned to a life of loneliness and re-reading "shats" (saved chats), while others braved the number options on their i-phones and called their friends. Real, voice to voice conversations ensued, and several things happened in quick succession.

1. Millions of users discovered that LOL is not an appropriate response to jokes on the telephone while other struggled with an inability to verbally express the wide range of emoticons they were used to having at their disposal.

2. Telephone service providers stocks rose temporarily while Facebook's took a major mid-day plunge. An AT&T rep called our hotline to report, "OMG. AFAIC, CWYL." And he meant it facetiously.

3. When people realized how difficult the status of having 500 Facebook Friends in the face of on-line Chat-atstrophe, many returned to their home pages and began whittling off the 450 they barely remembered from high school, met on a boat in Greece, slept with at a night club, had a crush on in kindergarten, or wish they really knew 'cuz they're pretty.

4. Facebook's Social Network quickly shrank from 500 million to the original founders and the guys who made the crappy movie about them.

Men Like It On Facebook, Too...

In the past twenty-four hours Facebook has been flooded with ambiguous status updates such as "I like it on the table," "I like it on the couch," or "I like it on the bar stool." Millions of confused and intrigued men sent record-breaking numbers of Friend Requests to complete strangers, assuring them that they, too, were down with it on  coat racks, in hall closets, or even tucked inside the bottom dresser drawer.

Adding to the confusion was a large population of women who brought fanny packs with them from the '80's and wrote misleading updates such as "I like it on my ass," or "I like it strapped on tight." In addition, there were several women with purse fetishes who wrote quite simply, "I like it in my vagina."

Turns out, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, female Facebook users are disguising with sexual innuendo the places they like to set their handbags or purses down. This is not the first time a Facebook status has gone viral. In fact, less than a year ago, also to raise awareness of breast cancer, the bra color Facebook status updates had men equally confused and also went viral.

In response to what many consider a "deliberately hurtful sexist conspiracy," male Facebook users around the world have secretly collaborated to create their own ambiguous "I Like One" status update trend. Comments such as "I like one after stressful days," "I like one during sporting events," "I like one right before bed," have taken Facebook by storm. "I like one when I can just sit there and not do anything," "I like one when I need to relax," "I like one as foreplay to sex," and the list goes on and on. The new trend had men giggling and women rolling their eyes at the clearly inferior sex's obvious sexual reference until the stupidest man of all blew their cover when he wrote, "I like one with candles, bubbles, epsom salts and jacuzzi jets."

Oh men - is no secret safe?

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Read the latest on Tiger Woods and Brett Favre. He may be responsible for a lot of "picks," but not the ones on Jenn Sterger's phone.

http://hollywoodunderground23.blogspot.com/2010/10/tiger-woods-comes-clean-about-favre_12.html